Introducing Doodle Posts - Discordance and humanity

I decided to add a new kind of "Art Post", the "Doodle Post". They'll be tagged as art posts because as lazy as it is it's still a drawing, but they'll be named doodle post. I like my doodles. They barely make any impression online because people would rather have a full art than something light and silly, I get that and it won't prevent me from making those for me and the three friends who enjoy it. But I also want them to have a bigger visibility here, because it's often through these very silly interactions that I develop the way I headcanon and write these characters. As silly as it is I think it's a good way to have a glimpse at a character's personality. In a few manga I'd read as a kid, you had these 4 panels goofy short stories at the end. It was a bonus of not so serious moments and it's something I loved doing too ever since.

That's the reason I haven't shared the other silly doodles I made of MCU Sam here yet, I wanted to give them a proper post each time and a better visibility but just didn't find the time to do so. So once this blog is up to date (I still have arts from May 2024 to now to post here while still working on commissions, updating Patreon, being active on social media to get customers, selling half the shit in my room so I can move in with my fiance in 2026 and trying to deal with the very bad health problems I currently have lol... I'm tired folks, I need to sleep and lately I sleep over 15 hours a day and still have very strong sleep depravation symptoms so that says a lot about how tired I am). But I'm not here to complain, I'll feel better in a few weeks anyway. It's sadly a normal thing I experience every year during Autumn and Winter. I still have a good enough shape to slightly work and wanting to get better, which isn't something I had in these periods until this year (you take victories where you can lol).

What I mean is you'll see "older" doodle posts poping here once in a while until this place is up to date (again, feel free to browse older posts, as I give them the original date to make this place more organized). I'll make a post when everything is here to warn you it's up to date so you can browse older posts all at once.

So the idea behind this doodle is very simple, MCU Sam reacting to the Captain America and Red Hulk costumes coming out for this Halloween. Minimum effort because like I said existing is kinda painful lately so drawing is even more LOL.

I like doing these lil' series of MCU Bruce trying to rehabilite Sam into being a normal human being again. It's a very exagerated MCU Samuce version of how my fiance is teaching me how to enjoy life again (like I said, my MCU Sam arts are often personal). I never tried to poisonned children though, don't worry. But it's still based on a little memory of my past. Halloween isn't a popular thing in France, unfortunatly for my edgy emo ass. But at some point, French capitalism tried to bring Halloween here to sell candies and deco and shit. It didn't work and lasted a few years but as a kid I was able to experience that, go from doors to doors with my little vampire costume to get candies. And once we were home, me and my siblings would put everything together, weight it and share in 4 exact parts to be sure nobody had less than the other. And my mom would throw away everything that wasn't protected with papers in fear someone would poison our ass, not lethal shit but enough to have us experience explosive diarrhea. That's how this doodle was born. I don't think MCU Sam would enjoy poisonning kids OF COURSE, it's more of the PTSD these costumes brought him but also because he went through so much tortures, he just normalized it to the point of having absolutly weird destructive and dangerous behaviors he considers "harmless". To him it's merely a little prank to "show them" because they hurt his feelings, basically. Then again, it's just a silly doodle, no need to look at it deeper than a joke about how Sam can't human with absolutly exagerated situations. But that's also the point of these doodles, like I said, exagerating to explore parts of their personality, that's why I wanted to mention that. I also like the idea of Sam trying to fake being "normal" with that creepy smile of him, thinking it's totally a normal human thing to do but just looking absolutly creepy and uncanny doing so because it's unnatural for him.

It's something we could witnessed in Immortal Hulk, Sam disguised as Rick doing a joke while everyone around him is dying because joking is just what Rick does and then having Jackie yelling at him because of how inappropriate it was and Sam apologizing (and being surprisingly himself and genuine when he does), explaining that he doesn't know how to human.

Immortal Hulk 30 (2020) writing by Al Ewing

In this moment you have Sam being Sam, you can tell through the orange sky behind him. It's the Leader apologizing here, not Sam pretending to be Rick, Sam being Sam and being honest. Looking away with a bit of guilt. Sam was very human in this run, through his total inhability to be a real human ironically. And it's something that inspires me a lot when I write MCU Sam. This fascinating discordance between his humanity and the lack of it. I'm not as clumsy as Sam, I know how to adult, how to be serious (I had to learn earlier than most people who call autistic people "children", unfortunatly). But I spent a decade stuck in my bedroom without seeing the world so sometimes I guess I'm too much (in a harmless way, but I know I can be very annoyingly loud and clingy around people I like and/or admire). People tend to think autistic people cannot function, aren't actual adult and don't understand shit, but it's the other way around really. We experience everything way harder and so more violently, like a slap in the face. That's why a lot of autistic people are sensitives to things related to their senses. Taste, smell, touch, sound, light etc etc... Music is nice until it's too loud, light is nice until it's too bright, you get the idea. That's what autism feels like. I think this post is a good illustration of that, it's a simple doodle and look at all the things I need to say that aren't even related to it. It's the absolute incapacity to shut down your brain and always going through a never ending loud and stressful flow of thoughts. Everything makes sense not because we're smarter or whatever bullshit you can read about autism but because we NEED to give it a meaning. Everything needs a context, a reason to be, a coherence that is coherent to our own vision and reality. I can pay my bills, I understand management, I know how to behave around people, how to be respectful and polite. How to pretend to be a very casual adult. But I still have a hard time being "normal", if that makes sense, because it makes me feel unnatural and inhuman. And that's how this discordance between how uncanny, uncomfortable and inhuman I feel when I have to "perform normality" and how it's supposed to make me look "normal" feels like, it feels like MCU Sam's creepy smile. It feels like comics Sam throwing jokes with people dying around him.

It's not something you can comprehend through words only, it's the kind of thing you need to experience. You can't really explain a taste, a smell, you can't properly describe colors to someone who can't see them. It's the same here, you can't explain autism and traumas to people who don't experience it the exact same way you do.

Because for one there's many many spectrum, autism is more of an umbrella than the name of something specific. Second because apparently it's the worst possible disease for parents so in people's head it's like having a deadly cancer and they won't go deeper than that. If you tell them you're autistic then you're sick and you need help. It's not a disease. The only reason autistic children feel uncomfortable is because you force them into an inadequate model. If you take the triangle toy and you force it into the star shaped hole and it won't work it's not because the triangle is broken or defective, it's because you put it in the wrong fucking hole. It's the same with autistic people, you force them into a model that isn't meant for them so they can't properly function and then you blame them for not fitting in a star shaped hole instead of giving them a triangle one.

Though even if it was a mental illness so what anyway. Most mental illnesses are harmless and people suffer it only because you make sure they remember being different is a punishment and they should suffer it. But anyway, the point is I'm a weirdo who's learning normal life experience again after what felt like a whole life of suffering and loneliness and that's what I enjoy expressing through these silly MCU Sam & Bruce doodles. I want Sam to rediscover simple things we all take for granted until we can no longer experience it, like I do. It's the closest I can give you to experience my normality, through MCU Sam's doodles.

I like the idea of Bruce screaming Sam's full name when he does something insanely dangerous like an angry mom (And yes, Sam's full name is Samuel Benjamin Sterns, it was mentionned only once in all his comics history in Thunderbolts).

This post was way too long for a very simple doodle that took me 5min to pull but I always have so much things to say, so much ideas, so much reasons to be and to do and I love sharing them. I think it's interesting to see how even the simplest little fanart can have a deep personal meaning to the person behind it. That's why I always have a deep respect and care for people's work, even when it looks very silly and "meaningless". Nothing is meaningless, there's always a reason and the reason is "you", how you work, how you think, your memories, your feelings. An artwork can never be meangless or apolitical. Even the stickmen a child make have a deep meaning to them. So until next time, enjoy~