Let's talk genders

Felix Hardy - Fiti

I will use this fanart of Fiti's male Black Cat design Felix to talk about that. I like his haircut and it was enough of a reason to draw him lol, I really wasn't expecting him to become one of my most popular art ever. I made this fanart over a year ago, but I felt like talking about it here. I've been reading every comments on every plateform people shared him and I saw a lot of folks praising the chest surgery scars, being genuinely happy about it. To be honest, when I genderbend a character I make them trans because it's in the name, genderbend not sexbend. So it was more of what felt like a coherent design choice rather than a mean to be inclusive or please anyone. Of course I'm glad people can recognize themself in my work and that's the point I want to talk about. I'm not here to debate trans right because debating something means every opinions on that matter are legit and relevant and transphobia isn't relevant enough to have me discuss their disgusting mindset.

But I do wanna talk about genders today. About transidentity first, through this fanart and non-binarity through a more personal exprerience.

First of all, I have to talk about this notion of "natural" and how it's used against LGBTQ+ people. What I'm gonna quickly ask is for you to list me every single "natural" things humans do. Dressing up? Working? Phones? Commenting bullshit online? Cooking? Playing games? Reading? Watching movies? Music? Art as a whole? Wedding? God? Capitalism? Social injustice? None of this is natural, none of this can be find in the wild. Even the way we take a shit is unatural. The reason humanity is humanity is because of how unatural it is (which certainly will lead to its extinction quicker than any other species before them but y'know). Every single thing that make you a human is unatural. So really, when you tell a trans person or anyone else how they're not natural you're only making them more human than you. Bigots spend their entire life craving power and creating ladders to be on top of them, they defy nature itself willingly and have pleasure over it but they feel offensed by people they don't see as "natural" because it challenges THEIR order and power, it's no deeper than that. "Embrace yourself like God made you", when you cut off or dye your hair, put on makeup and clothes, shave, you modify yourself too. I have a huge fascination, in fact, for that capacity we have to modify ourselves. That's what real power is about, that's why people want to control your body through unatural rules and norms. I don't consider myself trans. While I'm uncomfortable with the social vision of genders, I don't feel bad about my body and the way I perceive myself isn't impacted by its shape.

Everytime I say I wasn't able to be a woman, people assume I'm a trans man and it makes me feel highly uncomfortable and disrespectful, in the way that while my own struggles are relevant, I still have a very comfortable life with a woman passing as an afab person, it's really not the same struggle.

Saying I can't be a woman doesn't mean I'm a man. It's different and hard to explain in a binary World, but I'll try. To me, it's more of a philosophical and political statement to me. I don't believe in gender norms, it's really that simple. I don't mind being my siblings' sister, my mother's daughter, my lover's wife but I do mind when people who aren't important to me treat me like a woman, see me like a woman and judge everything I do through that prism.

All my life I've been told I wasn't a woman, for different reasons. When I was young I was fat, so ugly, so feminity was denied to me. Let it be through fashion, through my own friends' words "you're a brother to us" because if you're not fuckable then you're not a woman, only to become their prey and no longer their friend when I wasn't fat anymore and so "pretty". I've seen so-called feminists screaming "if you can't bear a child you're not a woman" so I I'm not a woman. I was told I would never be a woman because being autistic made me "cringe", "weird", "creepy" and that's not what a woman is. All my life I had to deal with this violence, the thought that I would never ever be a woman, no matter how much I'd try, I would never be.

And now, more than 30 years of living with that in mind, these very people who told me I can't be a woman are upset because I reject that concept, according to THEIR OWN rules.

I call myself non-binarity because it's "easier" to get, but I'M TIRED of having a label define who I am. I don't want to be "that girl" and to have my gender determines how people see me. I don't want to be "that autist" and to have it determines how people see me. I don't want to be "that disabled folk", "that non-binary lad". I want people to see ME and to judge ME through what I do and what I think, I am NOT your virtuous boost, I don't want people to follow me because it makes them feel better about themself.

I don't care if people hate me or love me but I want them to do so for who I am, through my actions and not through the imperfect and absurd spectrum of an always evolving norm humanity randomly set up to justify the power they gave to a bunch of elits.

I use any pronouns because I don't give a shit anymore about how people perceive me. Am I a girl? Am I a boy? Am I non-binary? Why do you care? Why does it impacts the way you'll see me? If you won't stop caring then I will, I'm the one who'll stop caring about you. That's why I use any pronouns, because people are irrelevant in the way I perceive myself, that's what it means. That's why I don't mind being someone's sister, daughter, wife, aunt. Because they don't give a single shit about my gender, my disability, my autism/ADHD, they care about me, they care about who I am.So call me they, he, she, it, for all I care. In fact letting people pick your pronouns by themself is a good way to see the way they see you and to get to know them, I find it interesting.

I don't want to be "a woman" just because I have a vagina, I don't want to be "a boy" because I have "boy-ish interests" (Aka being a nerd is a boy thing because it's related to autism and neuroatypies is a boy thing) or because I reject womanhood. I don't want to be a woman because I like pink and makeup, I don't want to be a boy because I like being a bro and I don't want to have to behave and look like both or none. I am me. I'm dressing the way that look like me, I don't care if it's girly or manly, clothes have no genders. I behave the way that looks like me and I like things that makes me happy. It's no deeper than that and it shouldn't be deeper than that.

But non-binary evolved into a norm too. You have to look androgynous, to be physically and visibly "queer" in the way that you need an alternative look, simplicity isn't allowed in non-binarity and with that simple statement they made it normal to not be, when the whole purpose of it is to destroy norms they made a norm out of it and it annoys me because it goes against my mindset and what I am. Everybody have their own very personal definition of gender and that's fine. For some being a man is about being respectful, for some being a woman is about strength. Their own personal binary norms can be very positive. That's what I believe and what I fight for, the freedom to be what you are and to express it freely, doesn't matter if you're cis or trans, man, woman, none, all or something else, you should be able to express it.

"Non binarity doesn't exist", it's true, it doesn't exist in a binary society. That's why I rather see it as a philosophical concept. A social construct, a concept. That's what gender are, similar to a political statement. And so, genders as a whole doesn't exist. The same way any human concept doesn't exist outside of our very human vision. Like I said, we're unatural.

That's what gender should be about, a personality, it's in the name, "gender" means "type".

You have some manly norms opposing each others ("it's about respect", "it's about dominance") and depending on which side you support you'll be a totally different person, a friend or a threat.That's what gender should be about, it should be about the kind of person you are and no, your genitals don't impact that, unlike what patriarcat force you to think.

That's why trans people are hated even when they play by these binary rules, because their own existence prove it. They're the proof your gender isn't a genital but a perception and a personality.

I remember someone making a video explaining his gender was wolf or fox (can't remember), because in some tribes your gender was your personality and these personalities were named after animals and honestly it makes way more sense to have your gender, so the "kind of person" you are, being related to your goddamn personality rather than genitals and yet, this person was mocked. It's also the proof that gender is a white construct, everything has the exact same root, let it be racism, sexism, transphobic, ableism, it's always, always the same root. Norms aren't created because it's natural or shit, they don't even make fucking sense. They're created to create social ladders and through these ladders to justify why some people have more power than you by making THEM the norms, it's EXACTLY like when kings made you believe they were chosen by God. It's a way to prevent you from questioning your oppressors. Because "it is the norm".

I will never ever be able to be a woman, not in the conventional definition of it at least and I don't want to be. Because it makes me feel incomplet, unsafe and it makes me feel like a liar.

But I think you shouldn't stop to a label, nor for me, nor anyone else. 'Cause everyone's experience with pronouns is intimate and personal. My non binarity isn't the same as yours. Your womanhood isn't the same as yours mom etc etc you get the point.

I've seen people calling trans folks travesties who play dress up. It's the opposite. Sticking to nonsense that doesn't feel like us because this is what people expect from you now that's dress up. I do the opposite, I pay a deep attention to my look because it's important to me that I recognize myself when I look at a mirror, I don't play shit, I am me. When I played by this society's rules, I've been told I wasn't a woman so I'm done playing. I heard that all my life so don't expect me to magically become one and kindly and silently fit in because it makes YOU more comfortable. But don't expect me to reject womanhood to please another norm either. I will stay a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a wife and I will never ever feel ashamed of that. I'm not leaving a box to be stuck in another one. I don't owe anybody a label and its contradictions and always changing codes.

When I say I'm not a woman it means I reject those codes, it doesn't mean I'm a man or both, or another gender, it means I'm not a gender. It means I am my own gender just like any trans, nb or cis person is because they have their own approach of manhood and womanhood. I personally believe there's good in both, I don't see why I should stick to one while rejecting the other. What define who I am is me and only me. That's why I use any pronouns. Because ironically the only way for me to be a woman is to not be and destroy the norms that prevent me from being one. Not out of shame but out of pride. Because I'm too proud to hide who I am to enter a cage and fit a label. I'm too proud to play dress up.

My sister once told me people hate what they don't understand because it requires more effort, that's why they rather follow norms and it's very true. But I don't owe anyone a label just because it's more comfortable to them the way I don't ask them to understand me and how I feel. You shouldn't have to understand anyone to allow them to exist as themself because it's none of your fucking business, it's not about you. You don't get to have a say in the way people perceive their body and life.

And like I said, I love the idea of being able to be whatever you are deep inside and to express it physically. People will change the color of their hair, eyes even, they'll tan their skin, they'll remove fat from their bodies, they will lift their face to try to fight the natural process of getting old. They'll paint their face with makeup, they'll pierce it to add jewelries, they'll put ink inside their skin, they'll grow their ass and boobz through chirurgy but they'll complain when someone change their pronouns ?

Your body is the purest form of self expression and therefore your mindset and your vision of Art. You express it through the way you dress yourself, through the way you behave, through the way you style your hair, through the makeup and jewelry you add, some through the ink in their skin and some others through chirurgies. And it's all relevant as long as it's you and not a way to fit a standard.

Not being into some of these is part of your own mindset and vision of Art. However, there's a difference between "this is not for me because it doesn't match who I am and how I want to express myself" and "I HATE PEOPLE WHO DO THIS, IT'S GROSS AND SHOULD BE FORBIDDEN". It's YOUR vision and you don't get to impose that to everyone. The same way trans people don't force you to be trans. You don't see a trans person and think "oh shit, I'm feeling trans now" because if you do BOY do I have news for you. People don't turn people LGBTQ+, they are this way, that's all. If anything it's YOU who will push them to reject your own norms the same way I rejected gender codes and roles because of the pain and hatred people inflicted to me. I know these words will never change anything, mostly because I don't have bigots in my following but also because they're too far gone in their own egocentrism.

But I'm not writing for the transphobes and the homophobes. I'd rather let their own hatred burn them down, preferably far away from me. I'm writing this for you, for you who's not necessarly concerned and don't necessarly understand but still try to be that good ally to people who aren't allowed to be. And for you, for you the trans person reading this and thinking you're a monster, thinking being unatural is a sin when that's the proof you're human. You're not the problem, transphobia is. Because even in a world where all trans people are dead, they'll still hate trans people, transphobia will remain, it won't disappear with you so the problem isn't in you. The poison is in their mind, not in your body. You are imperfect, unatural and that make you the most beautiful form of humanity. Your will, your NEED to express and embrace who you really are is the purest possible form of Art as Art is the material form of humanity. There's nothing wrong about you. The world is a mess, everyone hate everyone and the future seems hopeless but that's what fascism is about, it's about making you think there's no hope so you stop fighting it and you let it spread. You're fascists biggest enemies because you defy them, you defy their rules. They fear you because you have the strength, through your existence only, to shatter their toxic ideas, to prove them wrong. Not only are you not a mistake, but you're a necessity. Humanity needs you. And I know it's unfair, nobody should get the weight of the World on their shoulders only to be. This weight the powerful put on yourself and you didn't ask for nor have the luxury to chose. But I want you to remember this, they put this weight on you because you are freedom, that's what you truly represent and what the bigots fear. There's nothing stronger than the will to be free and that's what you are. Even at your lowest, you're still stronger than anyone else because your desire to be yourself and freed yourself from these social chains is still stronger than the need to protect yourself by hiding in their cases. Even when you try to hide by suiting in this society, you feel like this desire still burn your heart, but it's not that desire that hurt you, it's how society will punish you for having that flame in you, because it's the proof that you're stronger than them and they'll punish you so you don't understand you are. You're stronger than them because you can't live in a lie like they do and pretend to be ok with their injustices. That's what it means.

So live, outlive them and when you're on your death bed smile, smile because your life mattered. Because you lived it fully and as you wanted, as hard as they made it. Don't die out of pain and despair like they want you to. Live, laugh, love, because it's the greatest form of resistance. You are needed.

I'm sorry if it's clumsy and poorly worded, I wanted this to come out as close to my feelings as possible so I didn't really think anything, I just typed what crossed my mind and heart. When I make Art Post, I make post about humanity. So it makes sense to talk about this in an Art post. Everyone have the power to change someone's day, life even. It's up to you to choose what kind of impact you'll have in this World. I chose to dedicate my life to inspire. That's why I share, that's why I draw, that's why I write and why I'm so vocal. So when I see death again, I can leave with a smile, thinking I made a difference to at least one person who will make a difference for others. It's a beautiful circle. How do you choose to dedicate yours ? You have the greatest power in the palm of your hands. And with great power comes great responsibility, so use it wisely.

Until next time~