Art Post - The beauty of violence and the violent normality

Whore - In This Moment

0:00

Samuel Sterns / The Leader - Marvel Studio

If you're a minor I'll ask you to leave. Hop hop, leave, go play Fortnite, do your homework, whatever, just leave. Very strong CW for abuses (sexual, psychological, physical). Alright, today I wanna use this art as an excuse to talk about two matters, abuses and dark erotism. I completly rewrote this post because it was too clumsy and not focusing on the initial matter enough to me so feel free to read again ! Sam/Ross isn't a relationship I care about in comics. I love Ross' relationship with his daughter and the impact it has on Betty, I love the twisted father/son bound he developped with Bruce and how they both suffer of it. But his relationship with Sam is pretty casual. It's not "boring" per say, but it doesn't bring anything really relevant to one from another, even in the Red Hulk era. In the MCU, however, they have a very dynamic. MCU Sam/Ross isn't something I "ship", I don't want nor like to see them together in a gay relationship. But it's still a fascinating toxic dynamic that I love exploring because it's the perfect to explore some themes and taboos.

I love erotism, I love the history behind, the aesthetic. It's the most human form of Art with everything it implies and as such it can be soft and comforting or violent and disturbing. But erotism isn't necessarly porn and porn isn't necessarly erotic. You can have one without the other. I don't like porn because I don't feel shit while watching it, I only see people doing a very natural shit, it's like watching a cow eating some grass. It's boring to me and pointless. But I do love 'Art' porn because I enjoy the composition, the skill, the lore. The Art. Now that's erotism, a staging, an ambiance, a story, a message. That's why I enjoy soft romantic ones as much as I love very disturbing ones or violent ones. Because it would be a mistake to think something disturbing is necessarly violent or something violent is necessarly disturbing and I'm here to talk about that today.

Art doesn't and shouldn't be only comfort and rainbows and cute. Not everything you have to tell is comfortable, not everything uncomfortable is violent and not every violence is bad.

And so, even if the implications of this fanart are sexual, the point isn't porn nor sex. The point is Sam and this fascinating ambiguity through Ross. That's why everything is red, it's obvious enough that it represents both Red Hulk and Sam's red prison. But that's also why Ross' coat and arm are red, not just because "haha Red Hulk", but also because I wanted everything about Ross to fade in the background so your eyes will automatically focus on Sam and Sam only. That's why he's of a cold green color. Not just because it's Sam and he's green (it's very convenient though), but because green is red's complementary color. That's why Red Hulk is red, to oppose Hulk's green. But the thing about complementary color is, like the name says, how they bring each other out. Red is more vibrant and noticeable around green and vice versa. If Sam is so visible to your eyes, that's because of the red around him. That's how the MCU Leader was born, out of this red prison and abuse, it can't exist without it. It can't stand out without it. That's why the shadows on Sam are blue and not reddish and why there's red around the lines that construct his face and body. Blue is cold, it gives Sam a cold shade of green that will make him stand out more than if he had a hot shade of shadow like red. But there's still red in the very structure of his face and body, the lines, because like I said that's what built him. That's why I made his blood red when I usually yell it should be green. Red is Ross' color but it's also very conveniant because it's a violent color, it represents anger, danger, blood.

Like I said, the point here isn't porn. But I did choose to make it explicit enough and sexual.

The thing with sexual abuses is it's not just a sexual intercourse with physical violence and physical pain. It's not always violent and physically painful. It's a way to humiliate and dehumanize your victim while showing absolute power and dominance. It's the closest form of absolute control over someone's life you get right after murder. This is a way to have someone at your disposal. It's the strongest form of dehumanization but also a way to feel powerful. It's not just about breaking your victim, it's also (and mostly) about feeling powerful by making a human's life yours, that's why men of power enjoy sexual abuses, because it's abuses, not because it's sexual. Because it's power. I don't see Ross as gay (in fact I think he would be very homophobic given how this dude was willing to sacrifice his daughter to conservatism, no shade to his fans, you can picture him as gay if you want, it's my own very personal vision and it shouldn't impact yours), to Ross it's not about having anything sexual. Sam isn't a man to him, it's a mean. It's a mean to reach his goal but also a mean to feel powerful and in control. It's something he can use at will and just throw once he doesn't need it anymore, until the next time. Ross doing this to Sam is a way for him to break Sam and turn him into his thing, but also a way to feel strong and powerful and make sure Sam knows who's in control. It's about his ego. Though I also think he would use Sam to comfort himself. To fill that hole left by the passing of his wife and his daughter's hate. A way to find a form of love. Ross is deeper than just "mean guy with control and anger issues" after all. That's why this relation is fascinating, in a very terrifying way.

What makes Sam and Ross' relationship so toxic, twisted, violent, dark and interesting to explore is how they needed each others, how they were addicted to each others. That's the problem with toxic relationship, the hold your abusor has on you isn't just through a physical grip, it's a psychological manipulation. They make you love them and what makes it harder is how they often love you and need you too. It's easier to hate someone who hate you than to admit the person who is hurting you love you (and I'm not necessarly talking about romance here, it can be a friend, family), because you don't want to leave, you want to hope and "save" them even if it means sacrificing yourself. You cannot help but love them and hope for them. Love isn't always a beautiful thing, love can be the most painful and dangerous leash. Love can be an addiction, it can be violent. It's not always about living happily ever after.

It's not always about romance or family or friendship. You love objects, you love situations, you love stories, it's not a romantic bound, it's rather a need. Love is a need. And I do think Sam and Ross loved each others in that way, because they needed each others.

In the way that Ross was everything to Sam, literally, the only person he was talking with, someone who showed him compassion (and while it most likely started as fake, I think Ross developped a real compassion given the visible guilt he shows when he explains to Captain America how he wanted to move him in another place but couldn't because of fear of losing him), someone who gave him hope. Even if Ross is the one who destroyed Sam's life and took everything away from him, he became his hope. This is exactly what a toxic relationship is about, something destructive that took everything from you so it becomes your only hope. Once you have nothing anymore, all you have left is the thing that destroyed you, so you cling to it. There's also this very insidious mechanic, as a victim, to normalize what you go through. To crave it, even. Because if you have to go through it you might as well enjoy it and it adds to the pain and the guilt, it makes you feel less relevant as a victim, it makes you feel like you deserved it. So Sam probably really wanted to love Ross.

He clearly wanted to believe in Ross, that's why he kept helping him even if he knew he would betrayed him. That's why he says "it was my curse to watch your betrayal in probabilities", it's a very strong sentence. I said it in another post but "curse" and "betrayal" are very strong words that show how personal it was to Sam. It was more than "he abducted and destroy my life", it was someone he wanted to believe in who broke what was left of his heart and trust in people. Ross BETRAYED him, he represented Sam's hope in humanity, he did the worst possible shit because he believed in him. Building weapons, killing people. Indirectly yes, through his advices and technologies, but still, given his tender nature and how he wanted to use science to help people it probably hurt him like Hell to hurt people and bring more corruption.

Back then Sam did everything for Ross because through him he could have his life back. Thus the lyrics I chose for this post "I am the dirt you created" because he's nothing, "I am your sinners I am your whore" because of how he "prostituted" his mind and moral for Ross. He sinned for him and he gave him his whole self so it's very suiting. When he says "I'm making my own choices now" he makes it pretty clear he wasn't living for himself until now. And I think he believed in Ross to be a good person and erased corruption, to save him but also other unfair victims. In order to climb ladders and get power in a corrupted system you gotta be equally corrupted, so Sam got his hands dirty for him, because he believed he would change and change everything with him. Even if every numbers proved him wrong, Sam wanted to believe, that's why it was a curse to him, because he didn't want to accept it. He wanted to defy these numbers. Because Ross was everything to him, his freedom, his last connexion to humanity, his hope. That's what I mean by love. I don't mean Sam wanted to have a romantic relationship with him and marry him and live happily ever after, that's a very simple and lazy representation of love (and Sam would most likely stay as far as possible from Ross after that). I mean Sam developped a connexion to him that is deeper than just "this lad can set me free". So his betrayal hurt even more. And Ross loved him too, in the way that Sam was useful to him, he gave him power. But he was more than that, he could tell everything to Sam. He could tell Sam how he was planning to take over the US gov and have him help him. He probably talked about Betty to Sam. He could be a monster in front of Sam or a mourning father. No matter how Ross dehumanized Sam, he created a strong dependence to him and he probably hated him for that, maybe even leading to more violence (maybe to prove himself he didn't care). "You love me for everything you hate me for" is the perfect way to describe this dependence. He loved Sam for the power he brought him, through the way he helped him climb ladders but also the way he could control Sam as I explained above. And he hated him for that too, because it became a need and so a weakness. And eventually, no matter how strong his hold is on Sam, he will fade away and lose himself to it. That's why he's the one disappearing in this Art. And if you look closely at Ross' hold, you'll notice that even if he's pressuring Sam's neck with his thumb, the grip is still slightly lose, almost gentle. He can't bring himself to just snap that neck, because he needs Sam as much as Sam needs him. He covered Sam's naked body with his own coat, as if he wanted to protect him from the humiliation. Ross' career is everything to him, this coat is important to him, that's why I chose this to put on Sam's shoulders and not a shirt or another kind of coat belonging to Ross. Having Ross' tag on Sam is a way to make him his property, but also a way to protect him, almost in a paternal way which makes everything even more twisted and uncomfortable.

Everything in this artwork have this very painfully disturbing double meaning. Everything that hurt is also mean as a way to protect and comfort. Everything comforting is also here to hurt. Everything disgusting is erotic and appealing while everything comforting is highly disturbing and threatening.

It's their twisted love story, a love made of hate.

This is what most abuses are and why they're so silent, invisible and "acceptable". Because it's love.

We often talk about the horror of abuses, we often imagine abuses as that one time visibly violent assault in the street but we never mention how most of these abuses are silent, invisible because of how normalized they are, not just by oppressors and everyone else but by the victims themself, making them feel so lonely. Born of trust and love sometimes. We never mention victims hidding in shame and guilt for normalizing it and for craving it, craving the destruction, wanting to love it, to make it acceptable, to make it normal and deserved so they wouldn't have to suffer it anymore. If you can't escape it, you might as well want it be acceptable, enjoyable. Because it's easier to accept. How are you supposed to accept what happened to you and to go on if it doesn't feel normal and how can you hate if it's normalized ? This is the awful paradox victims go through.

Lately there's a lot of discourse about what you should represent or not. I strongly believe you can represent everything you want as long as it doesn't involve real people. Even things that makes me sick. I already talked about that matter here so I won't repeat that again here. You know what kind of artists I fear the most ? Not the "violent" one, not the perverts. I don't care about an artist sexualizing a violent sexual assault. I fear the "sweet" ones. Let me explain : Recently, I came across a fanart of Ganondorf x Link. It was the Wind Waker version of Ganondorf and the Ocarina of Time version of Link and you might think "makes sense, Wind Waker Link is a child after all", except they took the child version of Ocarina of Time. You might wonder why, though the reason behind is most likely because Ocarina of Time Link looks like a child and not a cartoon. It wasn't representing anything disturbing, it wasn't sexual, it was Ganondorf feeding something to Link and the way he was holding Link's chin and brushing his skin with his finger while he did was enough to make my blood go cold again. I don't like loli porn, most of them are either literal neonazi, edgy teenagers/young adults trying to look "so dark and so cool" or victims who need to express themself in a way I can't comprehend but in a way or another it's definitly not something I understand or support.

But I don't fear them and they don't have to answer to me because of my own aversion, we silently avoid and despise each others. Yes, I'm sure you're thinking "I mean, it's pretty normal to not stand for pedoporn" but consider this. Sure you can ask yourself why they would make sexual shit out of cartoonish kiddos in such an adult and mature way but that's the thing, that's why I don't really give a shit. Even if they represent kids, they do it in a very "adult" way. It doesn't make it less loli or more acceptable to me, but to them, even if you disagree, they're representing adults or unreal characters because of their very "weebz anime" traits. Loli porn is grotesque and it's probably the appeal for the people who are into it, the grotesque side of it reminding them it's not something "that exist". But the Link I'm mentioning above ? This whole interaction with Ganondorf absolutely terrifying because it wasn't explicit, it was sweet, it was casual and that's the horror, the sweetness, the normality and the way it wasn't drawn in a "problematic" way but in a very sweet and normal one, as a way to excuse what was going on here and that's what I mean. Explicit violence, problematic Arts, it doesn't matter how much you hate it, it's still explicit enough to have you understand why something like that is unacceptable in real life. That's literally why you hate it, because it's obvious. But also part of the appeal, the forbidden, the taboo. Liking slasher movies doesn't mean you want to murder or get murdered but it sure is a fun harmless way to lash it out. But that Link and Ganondorf, most of the people who'll look at it won't notice the very obvious grooming pattern, because that's the thing about grooming, as obvious as it is it's still invisible to most people, it's still normal. That's why my fanart here is so erotic, it's disturbingly arousing but in a safe way. You know very well it's fictional, it's explicit enough to have this comforting "it's just a fanart, a dark erotic fiction, who the fuck care" thought and enjoy it, or in the opposite to not enjoy it or support if it depicts something that make you feel uncomfortable. It's clear enough to have your full consent, or not and that's the important part. That's why I was talking about grotesque with loli above, it's too grotesque to have me care and worry about it but it's still recognizible enough to have me fully ignore it and their artists. But that Link and Ganondorf ? I'm not gonna assume shit on that person, I don't know why they did that but I can talk about how I felt seeing it and I did feel a real terror because of how casual it was specifically. The acceptable and accepted normality of this setting while knowing it wasn't acceptable. The sexuality of this non-sexual interaction. It felt threatening because it was a real grooming and gaslighting interaction and not just in the Art but on us too, it was subtle enough to gaslight us into thinking "it's not obvious enough so what's the big deal" and that's the scary thing. And again, could very well be a victim coping here that's why I stay vague enough to be sure you don't find the person. But it was a good exemple of an actual gaslighting through art and how censoring porn is a non-sense that won't prevent shit. Like I said above, everybody will tell you about the violence of abuses and dehumanize predators, but they won't tell you about the silent sweet normalized ones. The accepted ones. The tender "love attention" your predator will give you and how enjoyable they are. Nobody will ever tell you about the violence of the lack of violence and your own mind gaslighting you into accepting the accepted unacceptable.

So all you have is guilt, shame and the feeling that you deserved it. After all, your predator is never a monster, it's always "that neighbor who was always kind and smiling", "that colleague who works so well", "that uncle who was always taking care of everyone", "that perfect lover you chose to marry".

Don't get me wrong, abuses can be violent physically of course and they always are, from time to time. But most of the time it's sweat, making you think it was a "one time" violence or making you think you're the reason it happens since they're so sweet all the time. There's a reason you're taught to hate on the fictional violent sexualisation while closing your eyes on the very clear and odd behaviors of a "loving" person because "it's just their way of showing attention" because you how else would the rape culture exist if you're aware of it ?

That's why my fanart is obvious, why it's violent, why it's red, why Sam is bleeding and visibly hurt, why Ross' hand is around his neck and why most of you find it fucking hot. Doesn't matter if you hate it, the reason you hate it is in fact because you think it's hot. And you think it's hot because it doesn't matter if abuses are a real thing, it's fictional enough to have you understand it's not a real abuse, even if I'm depicting one. When the villain kill someone you like in a movie you hate them for that, but you like hating them for that. You know it's not real. There's beauty in sexualisation, even more in a violent topic. Art is the healthiest way to exteriorize and explore it because Art is a roleplay and unlike an actual abuse you can stop it anytime, you can look away, you can stop it, you can block and mute artists who are into things that make you feel uncomfortable, you're in control. You make it, you control it, you don't suffer it. It's a roleplay. There's a lot of stuff I'm not into, some makes me feel highly uncomfortable because I'm just not concerned I guess so I stick to my education on that matter aka "this = bad" but I know it's not that simple (nothing is when it comes to humanity) and I can just mute words, accounts, posts. I know there's also a lot of predators (like, half the men in any art field such as comics, cinema etc etc...) and I can just not support them or buy their stuff and y'know, that's kind of the thing, it doesn't matter if you censor dark arts, predators will exist anyway, you can censor these loli con account or rape representation all you want, kids and women will still be abused while working on your fav shit and you won't bat an eye about it because you don't wanna get "your childhood ruined" anyway and because these predators were so fucking sweet, unlike those pesky perv artists. Dark arts are easy to target because you don't give a shit.

Romanticizing it through fiction is a way to understand it, to understand what you've been through, to cope, to explain it. Accepting the unacceptable is merely a defense mechanism. We're all very unequal in front of traumas, some can't stand it at all, some needs to make it appealing. And fiction can do that, it can make something atrocious appealing and help you cope without hurting the people who need to look away to cope or yourself, because no matter if you're into it or can't stand it, in a way or another you're in control of the fiction you create and consume. Through fiction you can explore something you're not allowed to in a safe and healthy way but you can also look away (thus the importance of properly tagging tw/cw, it's not a way to add censorship, it's a way to be able to mention highly disturbing shit while respecting people and so allowing it to exist instead of having a censorship). That's why this art is important to me, that's why Sam is fierce and rebellious, that's why even if the red is part of him he still stands out, he's still the focus, even if he is through the red, that's why Ross' coat is falling off of his shoulder like Ross' power on him. Because it's about him, it's not about his abuses.

My traumas are part of me and I'll carry them until my last breath, they turned me into the person I am now. It's a part of me. But I am me, I am not the traumas and the pain. I find strength and comfort in my scars and I refuse to feel shame, to feel weak and to reject something I can never get rid of because it disturbs YOUR own comfort. It would mean rejecting myself. So I'd rather make it hot. That's why I talk so freely about all that, because rather than yelling "It's just a drawing of a fictional abusive relationship, if you see it as more than a drawing and if you see an actual depiction of abuse then you need to touch grass" rather explain why you would draw one and what it can bring. The importance of allowing dark art. Denying you're depicting what you're depicting is admitting it's wrong by the way, that's a fucked up mindset.

Because it doesn't matter if it's still a drawing, you still cry and fear in front of fiction even if it's fiction and I'm still representing and romanticizing an abuse even if it's a fictional one, it was the intention. Denying it because "it's just a drawing" is anti-art, lazy and it adds to the shame because what you're saying is it's so shameful you gotta pretend it's not what it is. It's a drawing made to overcome the shame, not add to it.

That's why this art is erotic, disturbingly arousing. I made it hot on purpose. I took "whore" of all song on purpose to illustrate it. Everything is sexual, from Sam being obviously naked, to the way the blood is dropping off of his mouth (I don't need to explain why it's sexual given his position).

They need it, they take it, they crave it, they hate how they love it and they love hating it. It's meant to be weirdly seducing.

But it's not romance. It's not charming. It's not cute.

There's something very fascinating in the horror. That's why some people saw a smirk in Sam's expression and not just pure hatred (and that was the point so I'm glad you noticed), because no matter the hold Ross has on him, he also have an absolute power over him. That's why Sam/Ross is an interesting dynamic (that I love comparing to Orus/Seth) and why I love drawing them in such a disturbing sexual set up, even if I hate them as a ship. Through Sam, through this power he has over his abusor, he is powerful. And if he is powerful then I can also feel powerful and avenged. I, too, embraced my traumas and found satisfaction in them, because I can never get rid of it so I might as well make it appealing. I am happy I can make Sam sexy to you even when I show up his head and body. His scars, his disabilities, his traumas, his abuses, everything he sees as a weakness and a shame, everything that made him a monster are also the things that are making him this strong and seducing in this art.

Some people are like Sam, they think their scars broke them forever, they think the horror took their humanity away forever. Like I said, we aren't equal in front of traumas. But that's not how I see things or cope, I love who I am with all my scars and the horror. I guess that's why I love romanticizing the horror, because it's my way to find beauty in my own and go on. I understand for some it's impossible and they absolutely don't share that vision and it's fine. It's merely my own, it belongs to me. And that's what you gotta understand, it belongs to me. My arts belong to me, they're made for me. I do like when people find beauty in them. But if they make you uncomfortable it's none of my fucking business. The way I see my body, my history and translate it through these fictional characters belongs to me, I don't need anyone else's approval but mine. Sexualisation isn't necessarily sexual, or at least not in the way you think it is. Sexualizing Sam and his abuses made him look beautiful, arousing and strong through all his pain and his disabilities and that's the real beauty of this fanart. It's not about making an abuse beautiful, it's not about Sam and Ross fucking. It's about Sam and his own strength and beauty and how he can still be fierce and seducing through his abusive past.

And I enjoy seeing all the reactions around it, from people who feel disturbed, people who feel aroused, people who feel curious or who feel shame because they enjoyed a dark fantasy, as long as it's respectful it's a lot of fun.

I don't want you to only see my arts through my eyes, I want you to appropriate everything I draw, to slap your own feelings and interpretations on it. Negative or positive. Because that's also what Art is about and the same way I enjoy interpreting comics or MCU Sam's writing in my own way even if it wasn't what the writers meant because it serves my own purposes, I want you to interpret my stuff the way you need, the way it suits your history. No matter if you think it's gross and disturbing or if you think it's sexy and appealing. That's why everything in this art can be interpreted in a way or another. I talk about my mindset and how every single one of my arts, even the dumbest, is a part of my soul because I want people to understand how intimate everything you create is. How every single thing you create is a piece of your soul, even when it's dumb and feel "meaningless". To stop feeling shame over it. To learn to express yourself through it and discover yourself. To teach you to think beyond "oh nice fanart". I write this for people who might need to read these words. For people who want to go deeper into their own self expression but are afraid to put so much of them into it. For artists around there who want tips about organizing an artwork. For people who are just curious about it. It's an invitation, if you take it you're free to do whatever you want with it. That's why no matter what I say about one of my baby, how I interpret it, the intention behind, I want you to have your own. Even if it clashes with mine, as long as you respect it you can do whatever you want with what I have to offer. Earlier I said love was a form of need and that's what art is, it's a need. You create it because you need to. You consume it because you need to.

And so, giving your own interpretation to someone's work to answer your own need is the rawest and purest form of love.

Until next time, enjoy~